Lightening Rod For Pain
by Jade Unicorn
Summary: Slash. Dawnother. Can't explain...it sucks.
1. Chapter 1

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Author:Jade due to some rough language but it should be considered a light R

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Summary:Dawn has a cool new friend that she **_really_** likes. How is Buffy going to react when she finds out who this friend is?

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Warning:This does contain lesbian themes. Not just Willow and Tara though. If this bothers you, (which I highly doubt because what Buffy fan would be a homophobic?) then you can leave.

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Disclaimer:The characters in this story do not belong to me they belong to: Joss Whedon and the UPN I'm just borrowing them because I love to play with Buffy. And the song "Things I'll Never Say" is not mine, it belongs to Avril Lavigne off of her CD "Let Go." Its awesome. That's were I'm getting my inspiration for this fic from. But the poem "Sunday Morning" is mine and only mine. I wrote that myself.

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A/N:I got the title from something that Dawn had said in this past season. She had said that she was just "a lightening rod for pain" and caused some sparkage in my brain. In this fic, Tara is alive.

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Lightening Rod for Pain:

Dawn glanced up from her book to see the people approaching the nearby table. She had been studying in the library for the past hour and she was getting bored of it. Her grades were slipping and Buffy suggested that instead of coming home where she had distractions, she should go to the library where she could concentrate.

The group consisted of three boys and one girl. They took a table that was over and back from the table that Dawn was occupying. The girl took the seat next to her male friend. She was in direct eye view of Dawn. Carefully Dawn made sure not to stare at the girl too much.

The girl was wearing a long sleeve white shirt with a black short sleeve shirt on top of it. On her neck hung a few chains in different lengths. One chain held a small pad lock on the end. She had a brownish blonde look to her hair which hung down to her shoulders. Dawn watched as the girl placed a pair of glasses on. It only made her look cuter in Dawn's opinion. **_But that doesn't mean that I'm gay. She's just a nice looking girl._** Dawn rationalize.

Dawn had been struggling with her identity for a while now. Though she never told anybody about it, fear that they might think wrong of her, she was coming to her conclusion on her own. It was something that even if she did tell people, they couldn't help her decide. The more Dawn took a notice of people, both guys and girls, the more she saw people she found attractive. But not the jocks or any males for that matter.

So she was turning into another Willow and Tara. But that wasn't a bad thing to her. It might be to Buffy, but she was okay with it.

"Hey," The girl that Dawn had been staring at was suddenly standing in front of her table. She was leaning forward braced by her hands. "aren't you that Dawn Summers girl?"

"Yeah." Dawn smiled hoping not to give away her thoughts to this girl.

"Cool, do you mind if I sit down for a minute?" She gestured to the chair across from Dawn. Dawn nodded her approval and the girl sat down. She was leaning on her forearms now. Her hair fell forward slightly as she looked at the items Dawn had sprawled on the table. "By the way I'm Alyson. I always forget to tell people my name. Case of being partial blonde I guess." She smiled a perfect white smile.  
"I-I've seen you around school once or twice." She was lying. Dawn knew every class this girl had.

"I've seen you too. You usually hang with that chick...what is her name?" Alyson was snapping her fingers trying to make herself remember who it was. "The short girl that hates my guts."  
"Oh Melinda."

"Yeah, Melinda. Has she warned you to stay away from me yet?"

Dawn didn't want to admit it but she felt like she couldn't lie to this girl. "One or four million times." Both girls started laughing.  
"Listen, the reason I came over here is because I was told that you are like a whiz in math and I'm totally failing out. I was thinking that maybe you could help me skim by."

"But you're in tenth grade right?" Dawn was just in ninth, how was she going to help this girl?  
"Yeah except for my math credits. I'm still stuck in pre-algebra. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be in there for the rest of my life."  
"Yeah sure I can help you."

Alyson smiled. Her glasses made her look so smart while her clothing made her look like a bad ass. "Thanks, can we meet her tomorrow around 3:30 and study for a while?" Dawn nodded. She was follow this girl to ends of the earth if she was asked to. "Awesome, I'll see you later Dawn Summers."

Alyson left and went back to her table. They were all joking around and laughing. Alyson shared in on the joke. The whole time Dawn's mind was racing with so many thoughts that her mind was about to go on overload. What was she going to wear? How was she going to explain this to Buffy? Was she ever going to tell anyone that she was getting to spend time with her first female crush? Could she finally admit that she was who she was meant to be?

Dawn went home later that day with all those worries in her in mind still. Tara could see the distress on the young girl's face.

"Is something wrong?"

Dawn plopped down in a kitchen seat. She contemplated whether or not she should actually tell Tara or not. Tara was probably the most trusting of all the Scoobies and she would be more willing to help Dawn figure this all out. "I met somebody in the library today. Somebody that I have this crush on but I'm not sure if its a good thing for me to have this crush on this person or not." So she would stall by not announcing that her crush was a female. "The person is not someone everybody would expect me to have a crush on. And I'm suppose to meet this person tomorrow at the library again to help them study. I'm not sure what to do."  
Tara was trying to sort all of it out in her head before making a comment. "Why can't you have a crush on this person?"

"Because that would mean that I'm...a lesbian." Dawn said softly but Tara still heard her.

Her mouth hung half open, she would never expect this of her little Dawn. How would she help Dawn through this obviously hard time?

"Yeah, that's how I'm feeling right about now." Dawn said, talking about Tara's half open mouth.

"Sorry." She collected her thoughts before speaking again. "Dawn, are you sure? This is not something that you can take back once you say it." It was true. Once you step out of the closet you can't go back in.

"I'm pretty sure right now. The only thing that I'm 100 sure on is how I feel about Alyson. I know that I'm attracted to her in more than a friendship sort of way."

Tara was still stunned. How was she going to help Dawn through this? Dawn spoke up again, "Please don't tell Buffy about this. I don't care if Willow knows just don't let Buffy know." Dawn knew how close Tara and Willow were. The chances were Tara would have probably slipped up and accidentally told Willow anyways so Dawn figured she would ease the witch's mind by giving her the go ahead.

Tara nodded. She would definitely need Willow's help on this one. "I promise." She gave her word.

Sweat rolled off her face as she tossed in her sleep. The covers had been kicked off of her body for the hundredth time. As soon as the covers were gone, a cold chill would sweep over her body forcing her to reach for them again. It would only be a matter of minutes before they would be at her feet one more time.

It felt like a jungle in this room. All the heat was forcing itself in her throat making it dry. She felt like her chest was tightening around her heart. The pounding organ was beating itself against the walls of her chest. Anxiety arose in the young girl's body. Her dreams were clouding up her mind as she threw herself into another position hoping it would stop it, stop the dream.

A church was coming in through the mists. Fog lay around thick as she walked through the cemetery. Unmarked graves covered the ground. The heat was still the same. Rain started to fall, admitting her a little relief as cool droplets fell on her face. For moments she just stood there, staring at the sky wanting the water to hit her.

The sound of a large bell broke into her thoughts. Quickly looking for the source, she saw the church in plainer view now. Almost as if she had gravitated towards it while she was there. It looked Catholic, though she had never seen a Catholic church before. The aura about it said "Catholic."

She pushed open the large wooden doors that had crosses carved into it. Inside she heard the crying weeps of families. They paid her no attention as she walked in. Each person seemed to have been lost in their own world. Looking to each face she recognized them. It was her family, her friends sitting in these pews. She was confused as to why they were all crying.

Buffy walked towards the front of the room where Dawn saw the coffin for the first time. Tears rolled down her sister's face as she laid a blood red rose inside of the coffin. It had been days since the slayer had slept, or so her face showed. Willow and Tara grasped each other close as they violently cried. Xander held a composure that could easily be seen through. He wanted to cry but he had to be tough, he had to be the strong to hold everybody else together. Just like when Joyce died, he refused to ever shed a tear. Anya was still as confused about this death as she was over Joyce's. But even through her confusion, she cried over the lost person.

But who had died? And where did Dawn fit into all of this?

The young teenager walked towards the coffin. Fear gripped her inside and put a twist on them. She could the features appearing over the edge of the coffin. She couldn't help but fall to her knees when she saw the occupant of the coffin, her.

"I can't believe that she's dead." Buffy could be heard weeping a few aisles back.

Not being able to take anymore of this, Dawn ran. She didn't care where she ran to, just as long as it was far away from this site. It would be etched in her memory from now on. The thought that she would be dead and have this kind of impact on her family...no it was too much to bear.

Dawn was back outside in the massive heat. The rain had stopped though. Somehow the fog seemed to have gotten thicker in that short time she had spent in the church. Bells rung from behind her as she ran into the unknown. A log tripped her causing her to fall to her knees in the mud. So it had rained enough to make mud, surprising.

"You can't keep running you know." Alyson came through the mists. She was lighting a cigarette. "They'll find out about me eventually."

She couldn't understand why all of this was happening. Alyson pointed her free hand towards the church while taking a puff of her cigarette. "You'll end up just like that if you don't tell. The pressure is going to get to me and before you know it..." She snapped her fingers, "I'll be gone. Leaving you all cold and lonely." Alyson turned to go.

Finally Dawn seemed to find her voice. "Wait." Alyson faced her again. "You're telling me that you won't be with me unless my family knows?" Dawn stood to face the girl. Alyson wasn't that much taller than her. A trademark smile crossed Alyson's face.

"I'm saying that I'm only human and there's only so much hiding that I can take before I'll leave you standing on the wire alone." A beeping sound came from Alyson's right wrist. She checked the time and stopped the beeping sound. "Looks like its my time to go baby girl. Sweet dreams and happy things."

Acting like a bolt of electricity had shot her, Dawn sat up straight in her bed. With the back of her hand she wiped the sweat off of her forehead feeling the intense heat that she held there. It took her back to a time when she was little and had a fever. But this was no fever, this was more of a revelation.

Was that dream a mere warning that Alyson would break her heart later on down the road? Or was it just all of her fears rolled up into one?

She padded softly down the hallway and the stairs to make her way into the kitchen. The light was already on. Sitting at the table in mid discussion was Willow and Tara. They both stopped their conversations to look at the girl. Willow saw the sweat that still clung to the teenagers face.

"Is something wrong?" Willow's voice was in an even tone. She didn't sound to happy.

"I had this really strange dream." Dawn reached for a glass, holding it for a second to let her palms cool down on its cold surface. She turned around to face the couple. "Did Tara tell you?"

Willow nodded with difficultly, she didn't want to think that Dawn could actually be a lesbian. She just assumed that Dawn would be straight and somehow Willow felt like she had been deceived this whole time.

The glass was soon filled up with cold water. It burned as it slid down her throat. She didn't realize how hot she had been until she felt the water sooth her.

"Dawn, what are you going to do?" Willow rubbed her forehead. She didn't like keeping things from Buffy and this was definitely one hell of a secret to keep.

"I'm going to go back to bed and then go to school tomorrow." It was suppose to help lighten the mood but Dawn could tell that it didn't help. "Take it day by day I guess. Tomorrow I'm going to go see the girl in the library to help her study. I just don't see why I have to make any life changing decisions right now when all I'm doing is making a new friend." She did have a point. What would be the point in "coming out" to find that this girl might not like her in the same way? But from her dream, Dawn would like to hope that there was something more to their developing friendship.

"Just be sure that you know what you're doing." Willow, for the first time since Dawn had came into the room, smiled loving at the girl.

Dawn waved goodnight to the couple. She entered her room and looked at the clock, 2:45 AM. It was still hot as hell in her room. Maybe if she opened the window it would help. As she moved towards the window, she saw something moving down outside. She looked closer to see a group of teenagers, some she had seen before. They were smoking and laughing. One of the females looked up at the window in which Dawn stood at. Her heart stopped in mid beat as she saw it was Alyson.

Alyson must have recognized Dawn because she waved. She came running towards the large tree that was outside of Dawn's room. Before Dawn knew what was going on, Alyson was climbing to the top of the tree. Dawn opened the window to see a smiling Alyson sitting on the branch.

"Kind of early for you to out and walking." Dawn whispered. The last thing that she needed right now was for Buffy or somebody else finding out that the girl had climbed the tree.

"Could say the same thing to you." Alyson smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. She took a puff of her cigarette. Suddenly Dawn was reminded of her dream. "Nice pajamas." Alyson nodded at Dawn's outfit.

She realized that she was wearing a pair of shorts and a small white t-shirt. A blush formed on her face.

"Damn, you know what? Maybe its the liquor talking, but you are one hot girl." Alyson leaned in the window and gave Dawn a quick kiss on the cheek. "See ya tomorrow." Alyson got out of the tree to follow her friends again. She turned, walking backwards on the sidewalk, to wave a final goodbye to Dawn.

Her face must have been blood red by now. She held a hand to the place where she had been kissed. Though Alyson's words rang in her mind, "maybe the liquor" the girl was intoxicated. Did that affect her decision to kiss Dawn? The girl hoped not. But what if Alyson wouldn't remember tomorrow what she had done tonight?

It had been a long and productive day that Dawn was just wanting to put behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

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Part Two

She held the productive image of Alyson sitting in the tree last night still made her smile. Dawn stood behind Melinda as the girl got into her locker. It was first period and Alyson should have been coming out of the door on the right of Dawn. She looked, waiting to see the girl who had stolen her heart.

As she was watching the door, she didn't see the guy running past her. Her accidentally knocked her books out of her hand. But he must have not known he did because he kept on running. She was bent over picking up her books when she saw somebody's hand reach down and grab one of her books. When she looked up, she saw Alyson standing up with a smile on her face. She didn't have her glasses on but she still looked as good to Dawn. Alyson was wearing a white shirt that was pretty tight. Her jeans were her trade mark baggy blue jeans. A pentacle hung from a large chain on her neck.

She turned the book over to look at the spine of it. "Harry Potter." Alyson nodded and handed it back to Dawn who was blushing now from embarrassment. Before she didn't think that it was a childish book until now.

"Wait till you see the movie, its awesome." Alyson smiled. "I read all four of the books and then went to see the movie, its pretty cool." She leaned to whisper in Dawn's ear, placing a hand on Dawn's upper arm. "Can't wait to see you later today. I was hoping we could finish what I started last night outside of your window."

She left almost as quickly as she came.

The library was empty, as always. People had better things to do with their life than sit and study. Dawn took the same seat that she had taken the day before. Obviously she made it in here before Alyson which was a good thing. She pulled out her books and began to set up her study session. Though her heart was pounding with fear of how this evening would turn out.

Alyson was having the same dilemma. Though she would never admit it, she was scared. Every time she got near a girl that she liked she acted like it never bothered her but on the inside she was shaking. She climbed out of her car and looked around. This was going to be a nerve racking day for her.

Inside Dawn was emerged in her book when she heard something. Behind her she heard somebody lightly singing. She turned to see Alyson approaching her singing a song that she had never heard before.

**__**

I'm tugging at my hair

I'm pulling at my clothes

I'm trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I'm staring at my feet

My cheeks are turned red

I'm searching for the words

Inside my head

Alyson sat down with a big smile on her face. "So teach, what's the game plan?"

"Why are you so happy? You can't possibly be excited about studying math."

"Nope, I got my paycheck today. Finally, for a few days at least, I'll have some money. It'll probably be gone by tomorrow though. I have to go get gas for my car."

"What are singing?" Dawn asked as she heard Alyson start up again.

"Avril Lavigne. She's an awesome singer. Plus, she's a total babe."

Dawn felt her face get a little bit red. She had never been around someone who was so open as Alyson was. But Alyson seemed to be off in her own world. She kept on humming the song but pulled out her items for study. Something stopped her from going any further.

"What all did I say to you last night?" Suddenly she couldn't remember the night as well as she had earlier.

Dawn couldn't look up because if she did she would have been completely red. "You just said that you thought I was hot but that it could have been the liquor in you talking."

"Well it definitely wasn't. I'm sober now and I still think that you're hot." Dawn looked up to see Alyson cleaning her glasses with some kind of cloth. She glanced up to smile at the other girl and slid her glasses on.

They began their studying much to Dawn's disappointment. She was making progress with the girl. But a comfortable silence fell between them. Alyson decided to finish the remainder of her song that she started.

**__**

I'm feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you're worth it

If I could say what I want to say  
I'd say I want blow you...away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight?

If I could see what I want to see

I wanna see you go down...on one knee

marry me today

Guess I'm wishing my life

With these things I'll never say

It don't do me any good

Its just a waste of time

What use is it to you

What's on my mind

If it ain't coming out

We're not going anywhere

So why can't I just tell you that I care?

Dawn's mind was running so fast that she couldn't keep up. She was jumping from one thought to another of what to do. She felt this great need to tell Alyson that she liked her but she couldn't. What if it ruined their friendship? But couldn't possibly because Alyson seemed perfectly okay with telling Dawn how she felt. That was just the type of person that Alyson was, a flirt. Many guys thought that they had a chance with her because of the way she acted. Danny Kessler, a friend of Dawn's, had thought so at one point. He swore that Alyson was after him just because she touched him every once and awhile.

Alyson's fingers snapped in front of Dawn's face. "YO! Are you still in there?" Dawn mumbled her apologies. "Well now that you're back, I have to go." She was looking at Dawn with a weird look in her eyes. It was almost like admiration. She shook her head lightly and stood her. Dawn watched her as she picked up her books and stuff them into her book bag. When she was done she just stood there.

"I don't want to leave but I have a job to get to so that I can make some money." Alyson leaned down and quickly planted a kiss on Dawn's cheek. "See ya later."

The teenager was now left to deal with herself.

By now Dawn was at home again. Willow seemed to act different towards her now. Like she was mad at her or something. There was a lot of whispering and angry looks as Dawn passed by. But she tried to convince herself that she was just being paranoid.

Dinner time was approaching quickly. Willow and Tara were in the kitchen cooking while Dawn finished a few little things with her homework that she didn't do at the library. The doorbell rang much to everyone's surprise. Tara went to the door and opened it to find Alyson. Though at the time she didn't know who this girl was.

"Um, sorry to, uh, bother you but, um...is Dawn home?" Alyson was visibly nervous. She held a small notebook in her right hand. She was wearing the same thing that she had on earlier, minus the glasses. Tara nodded and stood back so that Alyson could come in.

"Dawn, come here." Tara called out. Dawn came to the front door to see Alyson. Tara looked between the two girls for a moment before disappearing into the kitchen.

"Who was it?" Willow asked.

"Some girl, I think that it was Alyson." Tara said so that only Willow would hear. They really didn't need to let Buffy know just yet. Willow started heading out to the front door. She saw the girl and Dawn just standing there, they had been speaking but stopped when Willow appeared.

"Hi, I'm Willow and this is my girlfriend Tara." She said in a voice that said 'if you've got a problem with the fact that I'm a lesbian I'll have to hurt you.'

"I'm Alyson." She shook both of their hands. Satisfied, the two witches left them again.

Alyson let out a breath that she must have been holding. "Jesus, I hate meeting family members." She rubbed her head for a moment. Then she realized that she hadn't gave her reason for being there. "I kind of, accidentally of course, took off with one of your notebooks. But I didn't go through it." She handed the notebook to Dawn.

She was smiling at Alyson. "Thanks."

"I should be going, don't want to interrupt family time." Alyson turned to the door but stopped when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned her head.

"I'll walk out there with you." Dawn nearly whispered. They slowly walked out of the house. Neither girl wanted this to end. Finally they reached Alyson's car. "I want to see the inside of it." Dawn's voice didn't hide what she wanted to really see the inside for.

Alyson climbing inside the driver's side and Dawn got in the passenger's side. The window's were tinted so it would make it difficult for anyone on the outside to see what they were doing.

"Did you really accidentally take the notebook?" Dawn questioned.

"Sort of. I thought about it before I went into the library today but then I decided I wouldn't, so it was an accident when I took off with it." Alyson had one hand laying on top of the steering wheel while the other was on her thigh.

Dawn picked up Alyson's free hand and held on to it. "Kiss me." She half pleaded.

With a grin on her face, Alyson leaned over and gently let her lips touch. Dawn responded to the kiss by letting her tongue lightly touch Alyson's lip. She opened her mouth and the girls slowly fell into a heated kiss. When she finally pulled back, Dawn was out of breath. That was an intense kiss for her.

"You should get back inside before they come out here looking for you." Alyson placed one more kiss on Dawn's lips before sliding back in her seat. The girl nodded and climbed out of the car. She shut the door but still stood there. A part of her wanted to jump back inside that car just to be with Alyson.

The car started up and music began playing from the stereo. Dawn recognized the music as Nirvana, one of Alyson's favorite bands. She slowly pulled away leaving Dawn standing there by herself. When the car was finally out of sight, Dawn treaded back inside the house.

"So that was Alyson huh?" Willow never looked up from her task but she had a smile on her face.

"Nice girl." Tara added.

"Are you making fun of me?" Dawn questioned.

"No, just **_having_** some fun with you. You know that no matter who you brought here we would have to pick on you for it." Willow grinned evilly.

"Whatever." Dawn chuckled.

Dawn was pacing in her room. Dinner was over by now. She had decided that it was time to talk to Buffy before anything else happened with Alyson. Buffy would really be furious with her if she was last to know. But she was really nervous about how to start this. The sound of feet padding down the hallway caught her attention, now or never.

She opened the door to see her sister walking from the bathroom. "Buffy? Can we talk?" Dawn left the door open so that her sister would come in. Buffy heard this distress in her sister's voice. Dawn was pacing around the room. The sight of her sister caused her heart to drop forty miles into her stomach. Sweat was starting to form at her forehead making it itch slightly. She brushed away the moisture before taking a deep breath.

"Is something wrong?" Buffy took a seat on her sister's bed.

"Yes and no. I need to tell you something very important." She couldn't face her sister so she stood. She looked at the door sort of hoping that someone or something would burst through the door to stop this.

"Well?" The longer this went on the more worried that the slayer felt.

"I've sort of...well there's this...what I'm trying to say is..." No matter how many times she started this, she couldn't find the words to finish it. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths before blurting out. "I've got this crush on this girl and I really like her. We kissed for the first time today." She waited for the screaming and yelling to happen. Still she kept her eyes closed. But nothing could be heard except the pounding of her own heart in her ears so loudly that if anything else were to be said she wasn't sure she would have heard it.

Dawn looked at her sister who was still trying to comprehend what was said. She was staring off into the carpet like it had opened up into a new world. Dawn felt a need to ask if her sister had heard what was said but she knew better. The slayer had heard all too well. She didn't want to believe it though.

"Oh, really. When did all of this happen?" Her words were chosen carefully.

"I've had a crush on her for a long time now. And now that I've gotten to know her a little bit better, the more I find that I like her. Then today we just sort of kissed."

"Are you two..." She felt half way disgusted saying this to her little sister, "girlfriends?"

What a complicated question. Were they girlfriends now? They possibly couldn't be just because they shared one kiss didn't mean that they were automatically dating. "No, and I'm not sure that I want us to be. I'm not really sure if I'm okay with feeling this way." She answered honestly.

"This is going to take some time getting use to." Buffy stood up and headed for the door. Still confused. Something stopped her. She turned around and gathered Dawn up in a hug. "But I still love you." She had to make sure that her sister always knew that she loved her.

Suddenly Dawn was left alone to herself. With a heavy sigh, she sat down on her bed and grabbed the notebook that Alyson had "stolen" from her. She was glad that Alyson hadn't went through it. Dawn opened the book to see a piece of folded up paper. She picked it up and opened it. It was Alyson's handwriting that said:

**__**

So I'm possibly the biggest dork in the world by doing this but I couldn't think of any other way to do this. A friend told me that you might this romantic so here goes; I really like you Dawn, a lot. And I'm going against better judgment by doing this but please check yes or no.

Will you be my girlfriend?

Underneath the question was two boxes, one under the word "yes" and one under "no." She picked up a pen and checked the box she wanted.

Downstairs Buffy was in deep conversation with Willow and Tara. They confessed to know about Dawn's attraction which really didn't surprise Buffy. She knew that no matter what she said or did, Dawn would always go to Tara before she did her own sister.

"So what am I suppose to do about this?" Buffy looked down into her coffee.

"Just love her and support her no matter what she chooses. All she wants right now is to know that you're not going to throw her out of the house or send her to some psychiatrist." Tara laid a gently hand on Buffy's arm. "Believe me when I say that there's nothing more scary to a teenage girl than thinking that her family will disown her because she likes other girls."

Willow felt kind of left out. She didn't go through what Tara did as far as being a lesbian in high school.

Dawn was in deep thought when she should have been asleep. Assuming, just assuming, that she and Alyson get together, Alyson had some habits that Dawn didn't agree with. Alyson was a drinker, not a heavy one, but the alcohol issue altogether bothered Dawn. Alyson was also a partier. She was always out during all hours of the night and at raves with friends.

But it was too much to worry about for now. Dawn closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Outside the window, Alyson climbed back down the tree. She just had to see Dawn one last time before she slept that night. Call it obsession, call it love, whatever it was, it had a hold over Alyson big time.


	3. Chapter 3

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Part Three

"Are you going to the library after school today Dawn?" Buffy questioned. She had spent most of the night thinking about how to handle this situation with Dawn. But in reality there was really nothing to handle.

"Yeah, Alyson is still having some problems in math so I'm going to go help her." Dawn never looked up from her breakfast. She didn't feel like seeing the eyes of people this early in the morning.

"Why don't you invite Alyson over for dinner tonight?" Buffy said suddenly. It shocked everyone around.

"Uh, she's probably really busy but I'll ask." She didn't think that she could handle having everyone around to scrutinize Alyson now. It was too early in the friendship, or relationship, for meeting the family.

"Okay." Buffy answered back.

"Alyson!" Dawn called out to the girl ahead of her. Alyson turned around to see Dawn. A smile immediately formed on her face. "Here." Dawn shoved a piece of paper towards the girl.

"Thanks." Alyson knew what it was. She turned and left with her friends. Slowly she opened the note to see the box checked under "yes."

Dawn was tapping her pencil against her leg. So she was totally nervous about asking Alyson to dinner. Actually she was more nervous about what would be said to her and Alyson when everybody found out that they were dating. They were dating now weren't they? Dawn did check the yes box on the paper.

"You want me to give you some space so you can finish your drum solo?" Alyson came up and sat down in front of Dawn. "Looking a little nervous there kid. Have I done something to bother you?"

"No, not all. Its just that my sister knows."

"Knows what? The secrets of the universe?" Alyson tried to make Dawn smile but it wasn't working.

"I told her about me...us."

"Whoa, you told her that we are dating?" Alyson put her hands up like she was trying to stop a moving car.

"Not exactly. I told her last night that I really liked you. And she invited to dinner tonight."

"So, do you want me to come over for dinner?" She grinned.

"I do but I'm telling you that my family is extremely weird and they'll embarrass me to death." She smiled.

Alyson placed a hand over Dawn's. She moved Dawn's hand until they could interlace their fingers. Nobody paid them any attention. "I'd be honored to meet my girlfriend's family." Dawn raised her head slightly to see her girlfriend.

"Okay here's the deal, nobody picks on me. Nobody makes embarrassing comments. No dragging out baby pictures. No telling things that I done when I was little." Dawn went over the list of instructions for the family.

"Dawn chill, we got it okay?" Willow placed the plates on the table.

"Its just that I don't want you all to embarrass me. This is really important to me." Dawn was pacing around. She heard a car pulling up and felt her heart stop. Alyson was here. Dawn rushed to the front door to see Alyson sitting in her car. She was still facing forward, her hands gripping the steering wheel. She took a deep breath and emerged from the car.

"Hey, Dawn-girl." She came walking up the steps. Dawn was taken aback by her looks. Alyson's hair was let down, as it usually was. She had her contacts in, which were a bright blue. Her shirt was long sleeved and the same color blue. To finish it off, she wore jeans.

Dawn was wearing a khaki shirt that came down to her knees and a white short sleeve shirt. Her hair was let down, the only way she would wear it.

"Hey, you're looking gorgeous today." Alyson added.

"Thanks, and so are you." Dawn stepped outside and shut the door. She didn't want anybody to hear what she had to say. "I told them about us dating and they're okay with it. But just ignore them if they say anything stupid."

Alyson laughed. She reached out and ran her hand down the length of Dawn's arm finally grabbed her hand. "Don't worry so much, it'll be okay. If they drag out baby pictures or telling embarrassing stories, I'm not going to run away screaming. There's nothing that they can say that will surprise me."

**__**

If you only knew. Dawn thought to herself. "Now or never." Dawn held Alyson's hand tightly as they entered the house. Buffy, Willow and Tara were in the kitchen waiting to see Alyson. Though Buffy was the only one who hadn't met her yet. She just wanted to Dawn to be happy and if this girl made her happy, then so be it.

"Guys, this is Alyson." Dawn still held on to her hand, which Buffy noticed right away. Alyson briefly waved to the people. "Alyson, this is my sister Buffy and you've met Willow and Tara."

"Dinner will be ready in a little while." Willow spoke. She held a smile.

"I'll give a tour of the house then. Come on." Dawn took Alyson out of the kitchen. "I told them to be on their best behavior." She spoke low. But it caused Alyson to chuckle.

Cautiously Dawn took Alyson up to her bed room. She was nervous about being alone with her. Though she had been "alone" with her in public where they couldn't kiss or anything, now she was really **_alone_** with her. They sat down on her bed in silence.

"You don't have to be afraid of me you know." Alyson said softly. Dawn looked up with questioning eyes. "I know that you're afraid of this...of us. Of being in a relationship with a girl and everything that comes with it. But you can relax some when its just us. There's no need for barriers or walls or anything, just relax."

Alyson pushed some Dawn's hair out of her face to see her. Dawn turned towards her girlfriend. She felt this urge that she had to go with. She leaned in to kiss Alyson. It was Alyson who advanced the kiss by letting her tongue trace Dawn's lips. She was given access almost instantly. They were in a deep kiss when the door opened.

"Dinner's ready." Buffy's face was completely red as she shut the door.

"Oh dear god." Dawn whispered.

"Relax. It'll be completely fine. They'll pick on you after I leave." Alyson stated.

"I can't believe that I just did that." Buffy's face was still a little red.

"What's wrong?" Tara asked as she saw the very distressed slayer enter the room.

"I just sort of walked in on Dawn and Alyson...making out." She wasn't sure if that's what she should call it.

"It's not the end of the world Buffy." Willow added. "Let's just get through dinner so that we can get to know Alyson a little bit better."

Dawn and Alyson descended the stairs slowly. Both were very nervous about this night. Alyson more so than Dawn. She hated meeting her girlfriend's family members, mainly because most families weren't that accepting towards her stealing their daughters.

"Okay, sit wherever you want." Willow announced when she saw the two girls. Alyson took a seat on the right side of the table in the very last spot. Dawn, of course, sat next to her right. Buffy, Willow and Tara took their seats on the other side so that they could face Alyson. It was sort of an attack, or that's how Alyson felt.

Food was distributed to everyone. For a while everything was quite. Everybody was off into their own little discussions until Buffy couldn't stand it anymore.

"So Alyson, how old are you?" She questioned the girl.

"I'll be seventeen in a couple of months." She said calmly, though she didn't feel it. Inside her stomach was doing flips for two reasons. One being meeting the family and the other was being with Dawn. That was the affect that Dawn had on her, it mad her nervous because she didn't want to upset Dawn due to the fact that she liked her so much.

"Seventeen, really? Wow, so you drive now?" Willow was a little surprised that Dawn would date somebody almost two years older than her.

"Yeah, I have my own car." Alyson smiled before going back to her food.

"What do your parents do?" Tara questioned. Dawn was mouthing 'no! no!' and waving her hands but she stopped before Alyson saw her.

"Actually both of my parents died last year. I'm living on my own now."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Tara apologized for asking.

"Don't be, its not your fault."

"So what do you do in your free time?" Willow wanted to put this on a lighter note. Death was not a dinner time subject.

"Alyson is a very talented writer. She's on the school paper. And she's in all the advanced English classes. Her poetry was published in the New York Times, and the Sunny Dale Community paper." Dawn was proud of those facts. Alyson was grinning.

"Wow, that's amazing." Buffy knew that this girl must be major smart.

"Yep, I just don't understand how a girl with her smarts can fail math." Dawn had to pick on her for that.

Everybody was starting to relax. "Hey now, not everybody can be perfect. But I'm as close as anybody's ever gotten." She pretended to polish her nails on her shirt.

"With your schedule I don't see how you have time to worry about anything else." Over the time that they had spent in the library, Dawn learned of all the things that Alyson did during the day.

"I usually don't have time to remember to tie my shoes." Everybody else was pretty much lost. "A typical day for me is getting up early and going to school; come home for about an hour then taking off for work where I work for four hours; go to either violin or piano practice, just depends on what day it is; come home and do housework which I never get done. In between housework I write my short stories for English or my poetry. And god forbid if I have to pay bills or something because it just makes it more hectic. I have gained a new respect for adults."

"Do you even have time to breath?" Buffy was smiling. This girl was definitely responsible. She liked that Dawn was with somebody who could at least have her priorities in order before anything else. It might possibly teach Dawn some responsibilities.

"So I think that everything went very well tonight." Alyson and Dawn were standing outside. Alyson was holding one of Dawn's hands. The girl nodded. "The family seems to acknowledge me and like me. That's more than I've ever gotten from any of my other girlfriends."

"Let's hope that this is the last time you ever have to meet another family." Dawn laid her head on Alyson's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around one of Alyson's arms.

"Oh, promises, promises."

"When's your next concert for your piano?"

"Next week. I'll be doing a set with the violin and a set with the piano. I've got to skip out this week on our library time so that I can go and practice more."  
"What about your job?" They were finally standing in front of Alyson's car.

"I work with some laid back people, they'll be alright with me being going for two weeks. I'll still get paid."

"Can I come to your concert?"

"Yes baby girl. I'll get you some tickets. Will the family want to go?" Dawn shrugged her shoulders. "Just let me know when they decide and I'll get them." She sighed. "I guess its my time to go for the night. But there's something I want to let you look at." Alyson reached into her car and pulled out a notebook. "Its some of my poetry." She handed the book to her girlfriend.

"Thanks." Alyson kissed Dawn briefly, knowing that if she stuck around any longer things would get heated. "Goodnight and sweet dreams." Dawn whispered as Alyson turned to get into her car. Again Dawn waited until she couldn't see the car anymore before going back in the house. She held the book close to her as she entered the house.

"I liked her. I think that you made a good choice with her." Buffy said. "What's that?"

"A book of Alyson's poetry."

"So read us something." Willow was interested in knowing what made this girl's writing so special.

"Okay but just one:

**__**

Sunday Morning:

The TV on cartoons,

Breakfast in bed,

The covers pulled over us

As we find something perverted to say

About the cartoon hero.

We hear the phone ringing,

Then the answer machine.

It was your mother,

We didn't care.

Our day off,

And we spend it in bed,

Groaning about what is to be done tomorrow,

And the chores that should be done today.

Laughing at our own jokes,

Yawning away the sleep,

We turned over and held tight

As we drifted off to sleep.

"Wow." Dawn stated after she finished reading it.

"That was really good. I know I've felt like that before." Willow smiled over to her girlfriend.

Dawn was up most of the night reading all the poems that she could. Each one was different and better than the last. She could really feel the pain and happiness that Alyson went through in each poem. It was hard to believe that it was her girlfriend who wrote this. But it was still weird to Dawn that she had a girlfriend at all. She never thought that she would have a girlfriend.

Now it was late and she needed to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

****

Part Four

Alyson was sitting in the library, so it was Saturday and nobody would really be there. But she couldn't stand being at home anymore. Being there alone was getting to be too much for her. And though there weren't that many people here, it was more than what she had at home.

Things were going well with Dawn. It had been a couple weeks since the concert. Though lately Dawn had been acting strange. Suddenly she didn't want to spend so much time with Alyson as she did before. Now Alyson was spending more time at music lessons and other things while Dawn stayed at home.

At the concert Dawn seemed perfectly happy. Everything went smoothly and Alyson ending up getting a standing ovation from the crowd. But it was a few days later that Dawn started turning. Alyson asked several times what was wrong and what she could do to help but Dawn denied her everything.

They were both in need of some time away from each other. It had been three days since they last spoke, when would time be up? She tried calling the Summers' house more than a few time to get a hold of Dawn but she was always out or too busy to talk. The last phone call she made she sent a message by Tara.

"Just tell her that I love her and whatever it is that's bothering her, even if I caused it, I'm still here for her." Alyson said sadly into the phone. Tara wanted to cry when she heard that.

But she never got a phone call back. So Dawn must have been really mad at her. What did she do to Dawn to deserve this kind of treatment? Even at school Dawn was cold and unsociable with her. So Alyson left things alone. She didn't try to bother Dawn or call her anymore. They passed each other in the hall and Alyson turned the other way. If Dawn was hell bent on breaking her heart, then Alyson would do it back.

"Might as well get some work done." Alyson said to herself. She got up and left down the aisles to get a book.

Meanwhile, Dawn, Willow, Tara, and Buffy entered the library. They took the same seat that Dawn and Alyson use to sit at. Dawn noticed some books on the table that she had first seen Alyson at. But the owner wasn't there.

"Its been a long time since I've been to the library." Buffy looked around.

"So Dawn, where's your girlfriend at?" Some cheerleader said in a snotty voice. "Thought you two dykes went everywhere together." She grinned and shot a smile at her friends who were laughing. Alyson came from around the corner. She saw the girl talking to Dawn and caught a piece of the conversation.

Dawn tried to ignore her. But Buffy was about to say something to the girl. Alyson came walking by and reached out her hand to catch the girl by the throat. In one fell swoop, Alyson had grabbed the girl by the throat and shoved her up against the book shelf. She tightly held the girl against the bookshelf.

The girl was choking for air but Alyson just pressed harder.

"Don't talk to her like that ever again. As a matter of fact, don't talk to anybody like that ever again." Alyson said through clenched teeth. "Do you understand?" The girl couldn't speak and she didn't try to. With every word that Alyson spoke next she pushed harder at the girl's throat. "Do." Push. "You." Push. "Under.." Push. "Stand?" She nodded quickly and Alyson let go.

The girl fell to the ground gasping for air. She held on to her throat.

"You're nothing but a whore and a dyke." She spat out. Alyson had her back to the girl. She was grabbing her books trying to ignore the girl. "Slut. Dyke. Whore. Tramp. You know that you've fucked every guy and girl in the school. Everybody knows that you've been through rehab for drugs and that you use to slice your arms in the bathroom." She taunted. Alyson felt rooted to the floor. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Hey! That's enough!" Buffy stood up in the girl's face.

"Oh what? Is she fucking you too?"

"Ginger Lopez! That is enough out of you!" The librarian drug the girl away.

Dawn sat in her seat watching Alyson. She hadn't moved yet. But then suddenly she grabbed her things and took off out the door. Dawn was tempted to run after her but she couldn't.

"Melinda, have you seen Alyson?" Dawn questioned. It had been a week since the library incident with Ginger. Alyson had been out of school the whole week. Melinda shook her head. Dawn was starting to worry about the girl. If what Ginger said was true then something terrible could have happened.

The girls had decided to spend another day at the library. Dawn sort of hoped she would run into Alyson so that she would feel better about what happened between them. Things needed to be patched up.

Dawn looked around the room for Alyson.

"Its not that I don't trust you, I just worry about you. Alyson!" A male called out to her but she didn't stop. She kept on walking by and took her seat at the table. "Ally, are you alright?" He came up to her.

"Look you've made it perfectly clear that you don't trust me so you can kindly walk away for now. I have work to do." She whispered harshly. She got up and left down an aisle. Dawn went after her to see what was wrong.

"Alyson what's wrong?" She said in a loving voice.

"Everything and then some." She didn't hang around. Alyson had on a long sleeve shirt but the right sleeve was pulled up a bit. Dawn caught sight of a large white patch on her wrist.

"What the hell happened?" Dawn grabbed Alyson's arm and pulled up the sleeve. There were cuts all over her arm. She jerked it back quickly.

"Nothing. I'm busy right now." She walked backed her seat with Dawn on her heels.

"Alyson what happened to your wrist?" Willow, Tara and Buffy looked at the two girls.

"I slit it okay? I went home last week after that with Ginger and slit my wrist. Are you happy now?" Tears hung in her eyes. She sat down, hiding her face from everybody else. "What they say about me is true. All the rumors about me being in rehab and cutting myself is true. I'm not fit to be around people. I'm just a lighting rod for pain." Alyson grabbed her things and left for her car.

Dawn ran out in the parking lot to stop her. "Wait! Don't go!"

"Why shouldn't I?" She stopped to face Dawn.

"Because I love you, you idiot!" Dawn yelled out.

"Then why have you been avoiding me lately?"

"I got scared okay? Being with a girl is something that I've never done before and it scares me sometimes. I'm so sorry that I hurt you okay? I'll never do it again." Dawn took Alyson's hands within hers.

"No, no, don't make promises that you can never be sure of. You never know when you might hurt me so don't say never." She pulled Dawn close to her to give the girl a hug.

"You'll forgive me then?" Dawn said into Alyson's chest. There was sorrow in her voice.

"If it means that I get you back then yes I'll forgive you." Alyson pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "I think that we need to sit down and talk this all out and get all the insecurities and pain of the past out of the way so that we can get to loving each other completely."


	5. Chapter 5

My notes:

Ok I have NO intentions of finishing this fic. It's kinda left hanging because it was one of the first fic's I ever started writing and I hate it so much that I've kept it hidden. This one and my "Past and Present Collide" series are my WORST fics ever written. So I don't expect feedback on this because I was young, just barely in high school, when they were written. I was just learning and experimenting. So forgive me for an incredibly boring and long fic about nothing really. Thanks for your time.


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